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Question:
I fond out I have HPV a few weeks ago and I cant bring myself to tell my ex boyfriend. I dont know where I got this but Im afraid of what he''l do as a result, it sounds so weak, but I dont want him telling everyone that Im some diseased slut. I guess Im in some sort of denial. Ive been with 4 men and I think I either got this from my first boyfriend (whos my ex) or the first guy I ever slept with. I feel tremendous guilt but Im afraid to admit to these guys that I have it. Any advice?
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First off who knows where you got it from or how long youve had it. IF anyone has had sex they have likely been exposed to it.
Secondly how is telling someone going to prevent them from infecting someone else? There is no definitive test for men who dont show symptoms so what are the x''s supposed to do tell everyone they have ever had or will have sex with that they may or may not have been exposed to HPV but cant tell for sure?
Further there is relatively little you can do to prevent spreading HPV if you have it. Condoms cant protect you from HPV because they may not cover the infected symptomless area and any other sexual contact may cause it to be transmitted.
Lets get real... almost everyone has this virus.. some studies indicate upwards of at least 70% of college age females have std strains of HPV. Since only 10% will ever show detectable symptoms (ie abnormal pap or warts) you have to assume its massively widespread from 20 million reported cases.
Do the math...
20 million reported cases, only 10 % of all cases have symptoms = 200 million possible cases out of 270 million US population. There are 1-5 million new cases every year, again x 10 = 10 to 50 million new cases yearly.
We know of those 20 million because a) somebody had a wart or b) somebody had an abnormal pap. The remaining 90% are clueless they have it.
Even if you allow for some overlap between those people who have been diagnosed and include their partners... again only 10 % of those would have symptoms to diagnose you still get pretty darn close to that 70% prevelance at 180,000,000 possible cases.
Bottom line 90% of infected men never develop warts, a high but indeterminate number of women are infected but develop an immunity and it never shows up on a pap smear.
Basically if you have HPV the only "Right" thing to do is be celibate forever. No-one knows when and if you'll be infectous for sure.
So in summation theres a 70% chance that either they already had it when they met you or that they will get it somewhere else so whats the point in telling the past partners *when you arent even vaugely sure you had it when you were active with them* and there isnt anything they or you can do about it in the future.
Theres better than a 50% chance that even if you tell all 4 guys.. they will not develop symptoms and therefore never know if they have it or not.. or if they were exposed to it by you or not.
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You need to come to terms with this and do what is right. Your exboyfriend, if he is unaware of his possible condition, may continue to infect others without knowing. I know that this is difficult as I''ve just gotten through with telling my girlfriend,..she walked out on me. Hurt or not, I believe I did the right thing. You have knowledge that carries great responsibility.. do the right thing. It is possible that he is the one who passed it to you. If you cannot do it in person than write a letter but do it you must and be informed of the facts... Hope this helps..
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this might help and it''s a doctors word not mine:
99% of male population are carriers of the virus and unfair as it sounds it does no harm at all to them.....
I don't know whether you got it from your ex or if you worry that you transmitted it to him...but sleep in piece...there is no harm (except if you worry for his girlfriend )
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You need to come to terms with this and do what is right. Your exboyfriend, if he is unaware of his possible condition, may continue to infect others without knowing. I know that this is difficult as I''ve just gotten through with telling my girlfriend,..she walked out on me. Hurt or not, I believe I did the right thing. You have knowledge that carries great responsibility.. do the right thing. It is possible that he is the one who passed it to you. If you cannot do it in person than write a letter but do it you must and be informed of the facts... Hope this helps..
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It is definately hard to tell your ex, I know I did it about 2 months ago. But they need to know because you don''t want them passing it on and infecting more girls. The way you should go about it is explain that you found out some bad news and explain how common it is and there is no effect on men really but that they should know. Say you aren't sure if you got it from him but regardless he probably has it now so in the future tell him to always use protection and look for outbreaks. It is hard and I sympathize with you.
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I found out I had hpv when my partner came to me to tell me he had it. we will never know witch one of us had it first but i''m pretty sure it was me. I was devistated. I never told my ex, i felt my ex would not take responsibility anyway. They should take care of themselves and go to the doctor. if they cant tell you they have it why should you tell them they do. But now you know you have it, Take care of yourself. There is really no way to know who you got it from unless you ask them. But are they mature and would they take responsibility.
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when I was diagnosed with HPV I told my boyfriend right away. I found out that I had it after my ex called me and told me he had contracted it from a girl he was with before me. He was my first, so every guy I have been with since has it. Since I was too mortified to call them all myself, I had my boyfriend call and just say "Im calling because someone you have been sexually active with has been diagnosed with the HPV virus, you should go and have yourself tested" he never devuldged my name, but I got the job done. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if I let them go un-trested. That wouldnt be fair. As long as they dont know they have it, they will continue to pass it on to others. And that is why more than 80% of our population has HPV, and most of them arent even aware of it. It just keeps geting passed on.
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I struggle every day with the thought of whether to tell someone or not. The simple fact is that it is so common, that such a large percentage of people have it in their system, that I sort of just forget about it and I keep monitoring it. I do not have warts, I only have a strain of HPV that is detectable but not harmful at the moment. If I didn''t know that eventually all most all of cases of HPV goes into remission and never causes problems again, I would be worried. If I knew that it caused problems for men, again I would be worried. Truth of the matter is that until it shows up in your pap smear, I could tell someone and they could get tested and it could never show up on them at all, there is no test for men. Or it could show up as abnormal cells 10 or 15 years down the road. HPV can lay dormant for many years or even forever. I would just be smart for the future, you can let your future boyfriends make the decision of whether or not to be intimate with you, honestly I bet once someone has read all the facts they would be a whole lot calmer. I know I am. Sometimes I get mixed signals from information I read, but other times I rest easier. To know I could have had sex with just one person, and used a condom and everything, there was nothing I could do to prevent it except abstinence, which is the right answer, but not alway the easy one to make.
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I personally thing it is human nature to tell your past and future partners...It is the right thing to do..I had to tell my fiance at the time that I tested posotive for it. I personally thought he was going to leave..his responce was who knows who gave it to who and why would I leave I already have it..and started laughing (in a good way)..It is souly up to yourself though.
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If you have ever had sex you can catch HPV condom or not. Telling your ex is a responsible choice but it could have been any opf these 4 men that could have given it to you. There is no test for HPV and unfortunity the only way one knows they have it is when it shows. Rememember this is the MOST common STD you can get because of this so you need to stop putting yourself down and thank god it''s not anything worse. Your ex probably won't react in the best way, think of how you'd react but it's better that then living with the fact your ex is passing it on without letting others know first!
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The only problem is that my ex is extremeley immature and has gotten physical with me before he honestly hates me for leaving him. This is the type of person Im living with and I guess my biggest fear is out of vain; worrying about everyone knowing I have this or ppl in my area thinking i have something worse like HIV/AIDS. I know its so irresponsible but I dont want to be the ''std girl' - though I feel guilty after all the bad Genital Warts thats between us; to call him and tell him this. An abusive relationship stays with you and that abusive person has the ability to always put you down - maybe Ill just write him a letter. I just dont want to feel all this guilt anymore; i guess its guilt vs tainted reputation.
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well first off some boys you can trust and some you cant. I had a friend who had told her boyfriend, he didn''t trip that bad and they're still together. however she told me that she told her ex boy and he didnt believe her then later he stopped talking to her. then one day the boy told me and i told my friend she was devasted. however i told him it wasn't true and they talk somethings. but for real some boys/mens will tell others you just need be careful and just talk to him about std's (not saying that you have but let him beware of it).hope i have helped you
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Tell him as honestly as possible. please. My ex told me she had "HPV" and thats why she had to have surgery and left. I felt like a fool when I looked on the internet and saw what HPV was and she just ped a bomb on me. Answer his questions explain it to him. My ex stripped me of a very important right to just tell me and let me ask some questions. My heart dropped when I saw that she had given me an STD and she couldnt even just tell me. If I had never decided to look up HPV I could have spread this for many years to come before I found out what it was. I want nothing to do with the woman because of HOW she told me not the STD itself thats no ones fault.
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If you have it and had sex with him condom or not he is likly to have it too. Why would someone go around saying someone is diseased if they are also carrying the same virus. It would be best to tell him, but it is up to him to not spread it anymore. it isn''t your fault
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Tell him. It is really hard, but the only responsible option you have. If you don''t tell him with the excuse that he can take care of himself, I don't think that's a reasonable excuse. If he passes the virus to someone else because he didn't know that's not his fault. If you go about it the riht way he will understand. Honesty is often the right thing to do and the hardest but it is the right thing to do.
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Even though you are afraid of telling people, you have to, its the right thing to do. I know how embarassing it is, i also have hpv, but i had to call each person i was sexually active with and tell them that i was infected and that they need to go get checked. people have the right to know if you gave them something. i know its really a horrible thing to call someone and tell them that, but you have to got to tell them so they can be treated.
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A MUST READ..............First off dont feel that way about your self,every1 makes the mistakes and you cant help that this happened to you.The FACT is that it did and the best thing is to find a way to cope with it so it doesnt consume your life.A person should be able to live there life to the fullest...not hurt and stress every day.
Its all up to you weather or not you want to tell him,if you have been havein unsafe sex then I think that it woul only be right to tell him.Take your time in decidein how you want to tell him(but just dont have unsafe sex with him inbetween time).It will all come out in the end.if he spreads rumors around that your nasty and a diseased slut then dont let it get to you well at lest tri your hardest not to because on the inside you should know that your not and you shouldnt have to PROVE your self to anyone,just as long as you know the truth
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are you my twin...? our stories are exactly the same i''ve only been with four guyz and I don't know if it was my ex or my recent boyfriend who gave them to me. i don't know what to do or if i should confront my ex. i also cheated on my boyfriend and the guy i had sex with i told him i had wanted to use a condom, and in the moment he took it off so i infected him. i don'tknow what to do or what to tell him and if i do i'm scared he'll tell everyone i'm a slut or something.
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Haven''t you ever heard of getting your sex partner checked for STD's before having sex with them??? God, I am 13, and even I know to do that.
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I was diagnosed yesterday and had to go through the pain of telling the men I''ve been with. It was scary but most of them were surprisingly understanding about it, and said that they respected my wish that people don't find out. I, too, am terrified of being thought a dirty, diseased slut. You'll feel better once you tell them, I think. I feel guilty for being the one to have to break the news, but at least now they'll be able to make informed decisions for the rest of their lives about what to do. I would rather have them tell their prospective partners that it's a danger, rather than telling them "oh by the way, I just found out I have HPV and genital warts" after the fact. If the tables were reversed, I'd much rather be told in advance so that I could make an informed decision, rather than end up stuck with it.
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