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I fond out I have HPV a few weeks ago and I cant bring myself to tell my ex boyfriend. I dont know where I got this but Im afraid of what he'l do as a result, it sounds so weak, but I dont want him telling everyone that Im some diseased slut. I guess Im in some sort of denial. Ive been with 4 men and I think I either got this from my first boyfriend (whos my ex) or the first guy I ever slept with. I feel tremendous guilt but Im afraid to admit to these guys that I have it. Any advice?
First off who knows where you got it from or how long youve had it. IF anyone has had sex they have likely been exposed to it.
Secondly how is telling someone going to prevent them from infecting someone else? There is no definitive test for men who dont show symptoms so what are the x's supposed to do tell everyone they have ever had or will have sex with that they may or may not have been exposed to HPV but cant tell for sure?
Further there is relatively little you can do to prevent spreading HPV if you have it. Condoms cant protect you from HPV because they may not cover the infected symptomless area and any other sexual contact may cause it to be transmitted.
Lets get real... almost everyone has this virus.. some studies indicate upwards of at least 70% of college age females have std strains of HPV. Since only 10% will ever show detectable symptoms (ie abnormal pap or warts) you have to assume its massively widespread from 20 million reported cases.
Do the math...
20 million reported cases, only 10 % of all cases have symptoms = 200 million possible cases out of 270 million US population. There are 1-5 million new cases every year, again x 10 = 10 to 50 million new cases yearly.
We know of those 20 million because a) somebody had a wart or b) somebody had an abnormal pap. The remaining 90% are clueless they have it.
Even if you allow for some overlap between those people who have been diagnosed and include their partners... again only 10 % of those would have symptoms to diagnose you still get pretty darn close to that 70% prevelance at 180,000,000 possible cases.
Bottom line 90% of infected men never develop warts, a high but indeterminate number of women are infected but develop an immunity and it never shows up on a pap smear.
Basically if you have HPV the only "Right" thing to do is be celibate forever. No-one knows when and if you'll be infectous for sure.
So in summation theres a 70% chance that either they already had it when they met you or that they will get it somewhere else so whats the point in telling the past partners *when you arent even vaugely sure you had it when you were active with them* and there isnt anything they or you can do about it in the future.
Theres better than a 50% chance that even if you tell all 4 guys.. they will not develop symptoms and therefore never know if they have it or not.. or if they were exposed to it by you or not.
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| Answered by:
Anonymous
Date Answered:
3/5/2003
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You need to come to terms with this and do what is right. Your exboyfriend, if he is unaware of his possible condition, may continue to infect others without knowing. I know that this is difficult as I've just gotten through with telling my girlfriend,..she walked out on me. Hurt or not, I believe I did the right thing. You have knowledge that carries great responsibility.. do the right thing. It is possible that he is the one who passed it to you. If you cannot do it in person than write a letter but do it you must and be informed of the facts... Hope this helps..
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Answered by:
nomad
Date Answered:
2/4/2003
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You need to come to terms with this and do what is right. Your exboyfriend, if he is unaware of his possible condition, may continue to infect others without knowing. I know that this is difficult as I've just gotten through with telling my girlfriend,..she walked out on me. Hurt or not, I believe I did the right thing. You have knowledge that carries great responsibility.. do the right thing. It is possible that he is the one who passed it to you. If you cannot do it in person than write a letter but do it you must and be informed of the facts... Hope this helps..
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Answered by:
nomad
Date Answered:
2/4/2003
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It is definately hard to tell your ex, I know I did it about 2 months ago. But they need to know because you don't want them passing it on and infecting more girls. The way you should go about it is explain that you found out some bad news and explain how common it is and there is no effect on men really but that they should know. Say you aren't sure if you got it from him but regardless he probably has it now so in the future tell him to always use protection and look for outbreaks. It is hard and I sympathize with you.
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| Answered by:
Anonymous
Date Answered:
2/23/2003
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I found out i had hpv when my partner came to me to tell me he had it. we will never know witch one of us had it first but i'm pretty sure it was me. I was devistated. I never told my ex, i felt my ex would not take responsibility anyway. They should take care of themselves and go to the doctor. if they cant tell you they have it why should you tell them they do. But now you know you have it, Take care of yourself. There is really no way to know who you got it from unless you ask them. But are they mature and would they take responsibility.
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| Answered by:
Anonymous
Date Answered:
2/24/2003
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well first off some boys you can trust and some you cant. i had a friend who had told her boyfriend, he didn't trip that bad and they're still together. however she told me that she told her ex boy and he didnt believe her then later he stopped talking to her. then one day the boy told me and i told my friend she was devasted. however i told him it wasn't true and they talk somethings. but for real some boys/mens will tell others you just need be careful and just talk to him about std's (not saying that you have but let him beware of it).hope i have helped you
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| Answered by:
Anonymous
Date Answered:
6/3/2003
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The only problem is that my ex is extremeley immature and has gotten physical with me before; he honestly hates me for leaving him. This is the type of person Im living with and I guess my biggest fear is out of vain; worrying about everyone knowing I have this or ppl in my area thinking i have something worse like HIV/AIDS. I know its so irresponsible but I dont want to be the 'std girl' - though I feel guilty after all the bad blood thats between us; to call him and tell him this. An abusive relationship stays with you and that abusive person has the ability to always put you down - maybe Ill just write him a letter. I just dont want to feel all this guilt anymore; i guess its guilt vs tainted reputation.
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| Answered by:
Anonymous
Date Answered:
6/18/2003
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If you have ever had sex you can catch HPV condom or not. Telling your ex is a responsible choice but it could have been any opf these 4 men that could have given it to you. There is no test for HPV and unfortunity the only way one knows they have it is when it shows. Rememember this is the MOST common STD you can get because of this so you need to stop putting yourself down and thank god it's not anything worse. Your ex probably won't react in the best way, think of how you'd react but it's better that then living with the fact your ex is passing it on without letting others know first!
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| Answered by:
Anonymous
Date Answered:
6/17/2003
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Please post your experience on: http://www.hpvsupport.com.
Excellent responses. We need this kind of dialogue on HPV Support!
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| Answered by:
Anonymous
Date Answered:
4/24/2003
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