I have had genital warts for over 10 years. I was infected from a very brief relationship during college.
When I first noticed the "bumps" I went to the GU clinic and was treated with podopholyn. I was told that the treatment may take several weeks and I only managed to attend the treatments long enough for the warts to disappear.
At the time I thought I was free from the annoying and embarrasing condition.
Of course the warts came back. My second experience of treatment involved taking part in a clinical trail, this involved injecting the warts and was extremly painful. In fact the whole experience made me very wary of getting further treatment. Especially in view of the fact that I was treated with a placebo.
Ive spent the last 10 years in denial. The warts spread and have grown larger and are uncomfortable.
Very rarely I have got to the stage where I cannot take it anymore and try to be positive about getting treatment to get rid of the visible warts fully, once and for all.
Due to having moved around quite a bit over the last few years, Im afraid I have got into the habit of starting treatment (all types including freezing) but never finishing it.
The only person who knows about this condition is my sister, I feel too embarrased, guilty and worried about peoples attitudes to confide in anyone else.
I have bought several "miracle cures" creams and lotions from internet sites and nothing seems to have worked.
This has affected relationships over the last 10 years and rather than me DOING SOMETHING about it has left me feeling very depressed, unattractive and undesirable.
Ive been in a terrible depression and lethargy over the whole issue and it has lead to me putting on lots of weight to justify me feeling unattractive and trying to ignore the whole thing.
Of course I cant ignore it...its there every day.
The worst thing is I met my current partner two years ago and havent told him the truth. St first I was too scared of his reation and then scared of what he would think of me.
I told him that I have a "condition" that can be treated and that Ive seen a doctor about it, but Im always very vague and just try to pretend again that the whole thing isnt happening. Ive never mentioned the words warts or HPV.
Im sure he knows what it is (hes not stupid!) but because its been so long I will feel dishonest anyway for keeping it from him in the first place.....its like a vicious cirlce.
After a year I did speak to a doctor about infection ( I had had unprotected sex with my partner numerous times). The doctor told me that not EVERYONE exposed to the virus will develop warts.
That was enough for me to try and pretend that he would NEVER get infected and maybe he was just one of those lucky people.
THEN
A couple of weeks ago I noticed a really tiny bump near the tip of his penis, it hasnt got any bigger and Im sure he hasnt even noticed himself. I havent mentioned it but Im now aware that it is only a matter of time.
The illusion is has been shattered.
This man is the man who I want to be with forever and would like to father my children.
Im so scared of what to do next. I still feel like I cant confront this and Im worried that when it all comes out (which no doubt it will) he will leave me. I know I would if someone I loved had decieved me for almost two years.
I am now determined to visit my local clinic and address this issue once and for all (although I HAVE felt this way before and not completed the treatment)
I know this will not just "go away" as I have been hoping for so many years. I feel like Ive wasted my life from trying to ignore this rather than address it properly all those years ago.
Believe it or not I am usually a mature and responsible person (in other areas of life) but this issue has always been so taboo for me and difficult to deal with.
Now Im in danger of losing everything and it will be my own fault.
I hate this virus.
Comments:
6/13/2003
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i think you should tell him If he truly loves you he will stay with you. good luck!!!
6/14/2003
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KN
I'm in a similar situation! Be strong and Keep your head up
6/29/2003
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What exactly are the signs/symptoms of HPV in male genitals? Is it true that HPV warts turn white when acetic acid/vinegar is applied? Any personal experience shared will be greatly appreciated!!
8/11/2003 4:38:50 AM
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try warticon - podophyllotoxin - ask your doctor for it. any treatment is cosmetic but it may get rid of the warts temporarily so you don't always have them.
9/1/2003 9:45:37 PM
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have you considered talking to someone about your reluctance to get treatment? it might help you understand and get around the block thats holding you up from taking care of yourself
9/15/2003 5:06:48 PM
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kl
I noticed you said that your warts have grown and have become uncomfortable, you need to see a doctor. 13 years ago I was the same and had to have them surjurcally removed they were so bad but then I never saw a wart for 13 years. Untill now. I have two small ones and am being very agressive about getting them treated, you should too.
