So I first had sex with the guy I'm kind of seeing now in December 2002. Did not have sex with anyone else since. I broke out in warts in April 2003...and on the day I broke out in warts (and I didn't know they were warts at the time, but knew there was something not normal) the same guy decided to have unsafe sex. Then the next week I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with HPV. The medication worked so the warts disappeared but from all I've read I still have the virus. Had sex once more with the guy in June and have not seen him since but will see him in December again. Have not told him about HPV. Some of you will say I should have told him in June when I had sex with him once or gone into total abstinence. I know this guy was seeing someone else when I saw him in April whereas I was being monogamous. I am not seeking any new partners because of the stigma of having HPV, but what to do with this fellow?
At this point all I can say to him is - I'm sorry but I've contaminated you with HPV. I didn't know I had it when we had sex in April. I should have warned you in July but didn't have the guts.
It sounds really bad no matter how you put it. It's easy to not seek any new partners and go into total abstinence but with regard to on-going relationships it's a tough call, because it's not as though we have the choice of playing it so we don't have to tell. You're in a relationship then you get warts. Then is it mandatory that you MUST TELL?
I'm not sure what this will achieve when things have gone this far. I can walk away so as not to expose this guy to further risks, but he's been exposed to it already if he didn't give it to me in the first place.
I understand telling new partners but guys - the guy can't even be tested for HPV at this point nor can he get a vaccine. If I tell him, he is going to be worried stiff like some of you and lose sleep about it and there will be nothing he can do- absolutely nothing.
And who knows how long I've had the virus? If I got it ten years ago I'd have to tell every single guy I had sex with in my life that I've been diagnosed. Theoretically, this would be the ethical thing to do wouldn't it? But really, how far back do we go? And then what would happen? All of those guys (though there aren't many mind you) would have had partners after that who might have had HPV too and haven't told - and if I'm the only one who tells, do they all start cursing me in the dead of the night as the person who's given them this virus? I really don't know what the right thing to do is.
Anyone had a similar dilemma?
Comments:
10/26/2003 11:02:00 AM
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Tracy
You should just tell him that you have hpv and exposed him. There is a possibility that he has it, but he might not. If he has it and is sleeping with other girls w/o showing symptoms he is still going to pass it to them. Based on his integrity, the kind thing to do is to stop sleeping around. As for your integrity, tell him otherwise it will stay on your mind. Were you two dating or was it casual. + there is a good possibility that he gave it to you.
10/26/2003 1:09:30 PM
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Craig
Don't say anything. If you had a wart on your hand and shook someone's hand would you call them up the next day to tell them they might have contracted your wart virus? Same thing... Just leave it alone, get on with your life, don't mention it to anybody unless it makes you feel better.
10/27/2003 2:20:51 AM
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Writer of this Thread
Tracy - there are varying degrees of casual sex these days. I've been in situations where I didn't think it was casual and then found out in a couple of weeks that it was because the guy decided it was casual. This was not a one night stand because it went on for months but it's not serious in the sense that he's thinking of marrying me.
10/27/2003 2:24:46 AM
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Writer of this Thread
Craig - You're right. We don't tell people about warts on other parts of our body. Thanks for your thoughts.
10/28/2003 2:30:51 AM
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follow your heart. it knows what is right.
11/12/2003 12:08:21 AM
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I wouldn't tell. Mine are gone and I didn't tell a one night stand-who I work with-that I had it. Why bother? We used protection but I also have to protect myself....you know?
11/24/2003 7:49:19 PM
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Joe Wart
I think he gave them to you. Regardless, I think there is alot of misinformation about warts. I had warts 2 years ago. They are gone. Since then have had sex with 2 people who have not "gotten" them (or didnt tell me if they did), and knew I had them. Maybe they are carriers now. Maybe Bush's true intent in Irag was "liberation".
11/24/2003 7:56:14 PM
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Joe Wart
But seriously, this wart stigma is way out of control. It has wrecked my self-esteem in the past for very little reason. Casual sex is a societal reality. I have been with women who I thought I was monogamous with only to find that I was one of a couple that were being juggled. That is how you pass things around. Protect yourself - condoms off after marriage.
11/24/2003 8:03:05 PM
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I actually have one last thing to add. Our immune systems are amazing. If you doubt the fact that our bodies can effectively deal with viruses, please reference the CDC on genital warts... they actual have the most sober opinion of warts which is basically warts happen. We pass each other colds too - and they are "recurrent" - and yet, there is no stigma on the common cold.
