Dear X,
There's something we need to talk about. [X] years ago, I had an abnormal pap smear that tested positive for HPV-16, the "human papilloma virus" that can cause cervical cancer. There are 2 kinds of HPV, one that causes warts, and one that in a very few cases causes cervical cancer. I had the second kind. Scientists think that up to 80% of people will get one or the other kind at some point in their life, but many people will never have detectable symptoms. Condoms don't appear to prevent it. So it's almost as likely that you have HPV as I do!
I was successfully treated and for [x] years/months I have not had any recurrence. At this point, scientists aren't really sure if the virus is ever totally eliminated, but many think that it can be if you've gone as long as I have with negative tests.
The good news is that treatment for the cancer strain of HPV is usually very successful--a simple inpatient treatment, and you're done. More good news is that a preventative vaccine for both types of HPV will be released in a few years. At this point it is only for women, but it means that any future partners you have could be protected.
So now, you have to decide whether or not you want to have sex with me. You should think about whether or not you can live with maybe getting HPV, how it will affect your life if we end up breaking up. I love you very much, and I'm telling you this because I think our relationship has real potential to last a long time and I think you deserve to know the truth. If you need some time to make up your mind, I understand. I want to know how you feel about this.
Here's a good website with more information on HPV and cervical cancer:
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_2_1x_What_Women_Should_Know_about_HPV_and_Cervical_Health.asp
Love,
X
Comments:
12/12/2003 11:53:47 PM
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I wrote the above based on my experience with HPV-16. Someone else want to write about GW, and from a guy's point of view, and from the point of view of telling someone you've already slept with?
12/13/2003 12:36:59 AM
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Random Guy
Maybe I'm wrong but it sounds alot better coming from a girl than a guy IMO. For some reason I can see a guy staying with a girl after this talk but not the opposite only cause girls are usually persued more than guys are in relationship and meeting people. I hope I'm wrong though. Nice work though.
12/13/2003 1:52:35 AM
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writer
I think you're right, Random Guy, in part because guys are more eager to have sex, damn the consequences, and girls are the ones who are risking their health in this situation.
12/13/2003 2:40:42 AM
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I've been with a girl for almost three years, just got diagnosed with warts. We never had sex, just oral. She shows no signs. Now we're talking about marriage, and she's scared about getting warts. skwirut78@yahoo.com <-- - please help.
12/13/2003 2:41:11 AM
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I* just got diagnosed with warts
12/13/2003 11:38:29 AM
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Sarah
I have been rejected a few times by guys because of this virus. My experience has led me to believe that it can be just as hard for women to keep partners around as it is for men in this situation. Many people think women have it easier and are more accepted if they have this. I can tell you from personal experience that this is not always the case!
12/13/2003 11:54:57 AM
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Sarah - just out of curiousity, how old are the guys you've been dating? How long did you wait to tell them?
12/13/2003 8:15:54 PM
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Ok see i think its different when it comes to getting warts. If you tell a guy you carry a virus that MAY later turn into cervical cancer in a small % of people, hes going to be like "uh doesnt affect me" and sleep with you anyway. Now ifyou say hey i have this virus that gives you WARTS hes gonna lose the desire without a doubt.
12/13/2003 10:37:01 PM
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Sarah
These guys are 30ish. Maybe younger (hornier) guys would not have been as cautious? Dunno. I told them very soon, because I wanted to get it over with. At the same time though, I never had the chance to let them get to know me and care about me. When is a right time?
12/14/2003 12:13:54 AM
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CJ
Hmm, that's disappointing that the 30 somethings aren't more mature about it, actually. Maybe if you wait longer. And, if you offer to provide them with plenty of the *alternatives* available while you are figuring things out together, I can't imagine any guy is going to object!
12/14/2003 10:33:23 PM
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Sarah
They had alternatives, trust me. I have found that nothing substitutes for intercourse, and if they know they can't have it any time soon, they won't hang in unless they are in love. That's my sob story. I think they were not attracted to me from the point I told them onward. I even offered to get them info.
12/15/2003 1:32:54 PM
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CJ
Sarah, I'm not the sappy type to say things like this, but you just need to have faith! Someone will come along; those ones weren't worth it. In the meantime, enjoy your freedom & solitude, keep close to your girlfirends, and concentrate on the rest of life.
12/15/2003 3:55:25 PM
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Tommy
You just gotta find new outlets for meeting guys. Parties and bars are not the place(I'm a guy I know this). Also age has a lot to do with it too. Guys in teens and early 20's are all about getting ass...when they are a little older priorities change. To be honest, at 26, even though I love sex, I am in no rush to hop into bed with someone and their personality has to be there.
12/15/2003 7:57:42 PM
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amy
Tommy, are you going to tell new partners? I'm interested ina guy's perspective
12/21/2003 9:18:15 PM
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PM - bob
I was told by my girlfriend before we had sex that she had hpv. She told me alot about it and I said ok and stayed with her. She went and got looked at to see if she had any warts and you she said that she didn't. So we had sex and I ended up breaking up with her. I just got several warts now that I am not with her. I wish I never would have slept with her but here I am in the same boat as all of you and that makes me feel better that I am not alone.
12/21/2003 9:23:49 PM
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bob
and by the way I am alone 19 and she told me a month after I meet her and I still had sex with her.
