From reading through this website, my story sounds very similar to many others who have posted here. It is comforting to know I'm not alone in this battle, which it seems that every day has become.
Six months ago, I met an incredible young woman. The chemistry between us was instantaneous. Not too long into our relationship we agreed that before getting sexually involved, we each needed to go and have an STD test done, which was done. Mine came back clean, but she recieved a notice that her pap had come back as abnormal, citing mild cervical dysplasia.
She assured me that it was because her pap had been done so close to the end of her period and it was nothing to worry about. Taking her word for it, I let it go at that and we continued on with our relationship.
About two and a half months later, it noticed a small cluster of bumps on my shaft. Concerned, I called and made an appointment with the local clinic, since I don't have a regular doctor. I went in and the nurse looked at it and said it was a wart and she would treat it with an acid soution and that should be the end of it. No in-depth information was given to me about what it was and the term STD was NEVER mentioned. I was simply treated and sent on my way. So I figured it was no big thing and didn't bother getting anyone else involved in what I thought to be a personal, private matter.
About a week and a half later, I noticed a single small bump right next to the area that had been previously treated. I figured the nurse had simply missed one of these warts during the previous treatment. Again I made an appointment an again went in for treatment and again was not given any information about what this was. Again, simply treated and sent on my way.
About two weeks later again another bump had appeard, so beginning to get worried, I sat down with my girlfriend and filled her in on what was going on. She immediately freaked.
Now I am the product of a severely underfunded school system and I had taken health class my sophomore year, and I don't remember studying anything other than HIV/AIDS, and I haven't really made it a point to research the different STD's out there. I never found it relative to my life, so call me ignorant or whatever, but up to that point, I had never heard of 'genital warts'. Hard to believe, but true.
Back to the story. This time I went into the clinic and asked questions instead of waiting for them to offer information. That's when genital warts and STD came into the conversation. I was immediately floored. I thought that this was it, I was done. Life as I knew it was over...
I wasn't far from the truth. I did a bunch of research about what genital warts were. I tried to talk with my girlfriend about it, but I think she was too freaked out about the possibility that she might have this and what it could possibly do to her that all she wanted to do was blame someone and I was the perfect target.
According to her, because I didn't come to her from the beginning, she felt like I was lying to her, that I had betrayed her trust. I don't agree, but I can certainly see her point of view.
The fallout from this has been extensive. She and I have barely talked in weeks. When we have, I am always to blame for the situation we are in, even though that may not be the case. She is extremely cold and distant and wants nothing to do with me. She even went so far as to say that she no longer trusts me in any way, and when she is around people she doesn't trust, she is disgusted by them. Implying of course that I disgust her. Groovy...
So though we have not "officially" ended our relationship, there is probably not enough left to overcome the pain, anger and resentment that this whole situation has caused. Looking back on all that has transpired, I do have a lot of regrets, a lot of woulda, coulda, shoulda. I should have known something was wrong. I should have taken it more seriously. I should have asked more questions earlier. I should have told her from the start.
There is nothing I can do about it now. I am confirmed to have HPV, she doesn't know if she has it yet, her pap test is still pending, but I have a feeling she has it too and may have had it first. But I won't point fingers, nothing will change from it. I'm just giving her as much space as I can while she digests everything that has happened.
My last clinic visit was a month ago. I have been taking a good daily multi-vitamin and getting as much sleep as I can. My doctor suggested supplementing my diet with L-lysine, since it has been proven in controlling viral herpes outbreaks, and I have not had any new warts since. Hopefully my body has come up with the anitbodies to keep them at bay for good.
For the most part, I spend my time at home, coping with how upside-down my life has become and trying to mend a broken heart. Day by day is all I've got left...
Comments:
1/27/2005 9:50:18 PM
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hairs
i hear you bro look seriously it aint that bad the only problem is that you know you have it as opposed to the 90% out there who have it and dont know at least you can check it out and stay healthier than anyone else and that goes for your lady as well, i think its the initial shock of having a STD that screws your brain up but if this is the only std you have dont feel different to anyone else out there i hope things work out with your glfriend i really do
1/27/2005 9:51:03 PM
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hope that it all works out for you pick ur self up and dont wallow over this rather simple std okay !!
1/27/2005 10:16:32 PM
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yeah man, i hope everything works out ok for ya. the fact is, your girlfriend probably had hpv first (since she had an abnormal pap and if its mild dysplasia, this is almost ALWAYS caused by hpv) but you could have already had it as well. there currently is no test for men for hpv, you only get diagnosed if you have visible warts, and sometimes it takes up to six months from being exposed b-4 warts appear.
1/27/2005 10:21:32 PM
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cont from above
point is, you both, more than likely already had this disease b-4 your relationship started, since roughly 80% of all sexually active ppl have it. if youve had sex b-4, chances are you got it. either way, even if you didnt have it b-4, you do now and its no use pointing fingers b/c no one can ever pinpoint who gave it to whom unless one was a virgin and the other wasnt. i hope your g/f can calm down and realize you arent at fault. good luck
1/28/2005 9:38:29 AM
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When was your last partner before this girl?
1/28/2005 10:40:12 PM
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tophatjimmy
it had been around 8 months since my last partner
1/29/2005 2:26:42 PM
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Ana
My story kind of relates to yours. A year ago I met this awesome guy at my job. He was all I ever wanted in a guy, He was sweet,charming,good sense of humor etc. My heart had already been broken before so I wasn't really looking for anything but little by little this guy was entering my mind and thoughts. We talked for hours on the phone and got along really well and before I knew it we were dating. 10 months later I was diagnosed with hpv at the age of 18.
1/29/2005 2:27:03 PM
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Ana
My story kind of relates to yours. A year ago I met this awesome guy at my job. He was all I ever wanted in a guy, He was sweet,charming,good sense of humor etc. My heart had already been broken before so I wasn't really looking for anything but little by little this guy was entering my mind and thoughts. We talked for hours on the phone and got along really well and before I knew it we were dating. 10 months later I was diagnosed with hpv at the age of 18.
1/30/2005 12:55:22 PM
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Ok you really had no idea about all of this so stop blaming yourself. I say print out what you wrote here and give the girl a copy and tell her how upset you are about all of this. You could have easily picked this up from your last partner or even this girl. Send her some flowers or a nice card..we love that stuff
1/30/2005 4:08:09 PM
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tophatjimmy
tried all that already....just made things worse. Wrote her a long letter explaining everything I was feeling, bought an arrangement of roses and sent them to her at work (only cost 60 bucks...) and all I get out of it is "You betrayed my trust. I'm very angry and I don't know if that will ever change." We haven't spoken since.
1/30/2005 5:39:13 PM
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You need to *launch* this girl fast..she obviously has a lot of insecurities outside of all the HPV bullshit...her loss . I was the one that made the suggestions above. You need to just move on i am afraid. You will find someone deserving of you HPV or not
